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Year-end Reflections

The last time I blogged was on 4 May. Yes, its been a long time. Almost eight months. Of course there was that nagging, guilty feeling that, having once started the blog, I should be updating it. But, for one reason or the other, I just couldn’t.

December came and, as the days shortened and the cool winds turned chilly and we started rummaging for our Christmas decorations, I thought that, even if my mind has been blank for the past seven months, surely the spirit of Christmas should give birth to a blog or two. Despite the usual sentimental thoughts of Christmases past, of family and friends, nothing. Nada.

Then my wife left on 18 Dec to spend Christmas with Andrew and friends in Delhi, leaving Esther and me to spend Christmas on our own. On the drive back from Narita, I thought, this being the first time our family would be spending Christmas apart, it would get so terribly lonesome and sentimental fool that I am sometimes, surely a blog or two would burst out naturally. But Christmas came and went and, still, nothing. It seems you can’t even miss your loved ones like you used to anymore, at least not enough to produce a blog or two, because of modern technology which means everyone is now just a phone call away. Suffice it to say, my phone bill should be quite hefty this time. But still no blog.

Then, with the year coming to an end and a long weekend ahead, I thought I simply have to put in at least one blog before the year ends. Besides updating my blog, I think I owe it to 2009 which has turned out to be such an eventful and landmark year for me and mine.

2009 was when my son left us, for university, to carve out his own future, to try and be all he can be. As we planned and agonized over his future plans I came across a quotation in one of Bill Bryson’s books; ‘Once they leave for college, they never really come back’. It made me look back on my own life and made me realize that the moment I left home and my parents was when I joined college in Imphal. Imphal being just two hours away by bus from home, I would come home every weekend and it was like I never left home. Till my son left us in July, I used to think that the year I left to join my job was the moment I finally left my home and family. But I now realize that I had left my home and parents much before that. Because, except for the weekends and a few months during the holidays, I never really went back once I joined college.

I also realized that I had never really once thought of what my parents would have felt. I was young and the future was before me. I left home for far away Delhi, got married and then went even further away, beyond the seas, to other continents, and got caught up in the struggle of starting and maintaining my own family. My son’s leaving us this year made me realize that a cycle had been completed, in a way.

Life goes on and my son has now left, to go his own way. But it is so difficult and almost impossible to let go, to accept that our boy has become an adult, old enough to live separately, old enough to fend for himself. Old enough to make his own mistakes and, hopefully, learn from them. Because all we can do now is watch from a distance and pray and hope that in the short time he was with us, we managed to imbibe in him some qualities that will help him carve out a future for himself.

And so, another year draws to a close and the circle of life goes on. Relentlessly. A new year will soon dawn and, even as half our thoughts are with our son, we are already looking ahead with trepidation to parting with our other baby as she gets ready to complete her last year in school next year.

Such is life.

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Comments on: "Year-end Reflections" (12)

  1. Whoa, that’s one majorly outstanding milestone in your life. Definitely cause for a long overdue blogpost. Great to have you back. And I can see how congratulations and commiserations must go hand in hand regarding the family situation. It must be both gratifying and distressing having your babies fly the nest. And I suspect your wife feels the loss even more acutely than you do.

  2. ruolngulworld said:

    Thanks, J. Yeah, its harder for the mother, I suppose. But I would say its as hard for fathers, at least in this case 🙂

  3. And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
    Little boy blue and the man in the moon
    When you comin home, dad, I don’t know when,
    But we’ll get together then, Son,
    You know we’ll have a good time then.

    🙂

  4. @Kima – Cats in the cradle….my thoughts exactly
    Happy New year, I remembered something about the parent-son relationship, which goes in a full circle
    1st 10 years – My dad can do anything
    2 – My dad is so strict
    3 – My dad is old fashioned
    4 – Well he’s been around , my dad should know something
    5 – I’ll have to ask my dad
    6 – I’m not doing it without telling my dad
    7 – My dad can do anything

  5. ruolngulworld said:

    @Kima – Thanks for the visit. Here’s hoping he doesn’t grow up to be like me and we can really get together again, someday.
    @opahmar – Happy New Year to you too, and thanks for visiting. I suppose I’m somewhere in stage 3, looking forward to the next stages 🙂

  6. Ngaihnawmss ve… Make the Yuletide Gay… nahhh it’s already late,…

    • Welcome back to blogging, you’ve been commenting religiously even while you weren’t posting, so this was well overdue.
      I guess most parents are torn between waiting for their kids to grow up fast and yet not wanting them to grow up at all. So, when we kids think that we are the ones making physical sacrifices, our folks are making bigger emotional ones! Parenthood is kinda scary sometimes!
      Anyway, Happy New year! Belated!

  7. ruolngulworld said:

    @Alejendro – thanks for the visit. @ NotGood – Thanks. I guess commenting is always easier than putting together a post. Happy New Year.

  8. Happy new year! How i relate with children leaving home for college and never really coming back–it’s so true. It’s still fine when they come home for holidays but once they get jobs and really fly away the nest feels so bleakly empty. Then the parents have to start a new phase all over again. But life always has something new and exciting to offer, one can count on that.

  9. ruolngulworld said:

    Happy New Year, mesjay. Thanks for visiting.
    Now you’re scaring me! For the moment we can at least look forward to the holiday visits but the ‘really flying away’ part does not sound good. Definitely not good 😦

  10. ROBERT ZARZOLIEN SUNGTE(New Delhi) said:

    Pu, I article hi thra ka ti em a Ruonglevaisuo.com ah ka lo post a nih.

    • ruolngulworld said:

      Post tlak dam a i lo ngai chu lawm a um. btw, ruonglevaisuo.com hi in thaw thra khop el. regular taka ka website visit hai laia pakhat ve anih.

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